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Why now?

Livejournal just told me my last entry was 28 weeks ago...  So why am I feeling compelled to write something now?  I think because Facebook is too public, writing in a notebook is too private (I spend enough time in my own head as it is), so this seems appropriate.

I'm moving, again.  Seems like I can't ever stay in one place for more than a yr or 2 despite the knowledge that moving makes me nearly paralyzed with anxiety and tearful at the drop of a hat.  I hate packing, I hate unpacking, and I hate (in some ways) change.

2 such examples of tearfulness (albeit somewhat appropriate).
1.  When my brother and sister were little, we had a book called Papa, Please Get the Moon for Me.  It's a wonderful book and often when I'm calling my dad, the title pops into my head.  I mentioned it to him the other day:
Me: Sometimes when I call you, I want to say "papa, please get the moon for me"
Daddy: I remember that book.  And I would, if you asked me to.

2.  I called my 17 yr old (and sometimes, appropriately, very adolescent) brother to ask him if he could help me move:
Me:  E, are you available next weekend to help me move?
Brother: Yeah, maybe.  Why?  I thought you had it under control?
Me:  Yeah, I kind of do, but I'm getting really anxious about the whole thing and would rather have you and Daddy here to help if you are available.  If not, it's OK.
Brother:  No, I think that would work.  Would you want us to come on Friday?
Me:  Whatever works for you.  Why don't you talk to Dad and let me know.
Brother:  OK, I'll call you in a bit.  I love you.

I'm lucky.  I know that.  Sometimes I need hourly reminders, but I do know it.  And yet, I'm still struggling with everything that's occurred over the last year or so.  So today, even though I know how lucky I am, I am sad.

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